a fencer without a saber

a racer without gas

a boxer without gloves

a writer without ink…

Or in this case, any energy.

– Daniel Chappell (on the realities of a nine-to-five)

https://miamiala.medium.com/whats-meant-for-you-will-always-find-you-646831fe8856

“I did another fast start in the COM parking lot. And MAN, did it feel good. I’m not just unleashing the car’s potential, it’s unleashing my potential too.”

“This is temporary,” he tells himself.

“As temporary as a classroom at USF, as temporary as my office at the Excelsior school, my desk at the BWC.”

“This place won’t last in my life” he tells himself.

“In a year, you’re out of here,” he tells himself.

As his eyes become sorer. As he’s another night away from quality sleep. As the other dimensions of his life sit there. Untouched.

The coffee brown Cletos felt so natural on my fists.

It’s a feeling so… “opposite” of work. So opposite of civility. Of labor. Of monotony, dullness, responsibility, expectation, bureaucracy, and office politics.

It’s empowering. Fastening those gloves on is empowering. It channels strength into my being by way of my fists.

It’s a power than almost feels selfish because it doesn’t benefit any entity aside from me.

And as April suggested, I need it now more than ever.

The moment the thin gold hand struck 5 PM brought pure relief.

No more emails, responses, pressures, deadlines, or responsibilities.

With the mere movement of a single hand on my watch, I was free. And it felt great.

Fifteen minutes later, I saw him staring forward.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked him.

“I can only imagine what you are feeling,” he said to me.

On my lunch break, after eating at the dining room table, I put in my earbuds and listened to the nap meditation.

I imagined myself floating in the night sky above that one area in Emeryville, and my body began jumping like I was falling at times during rest.

I dozed in and out of the dream, always returning to it.

It was lovely.