Know that you wrote this (and are writing it) from your bamboo table against the window in your hotel room at the Equus.

The bedside lamp right behind me is off, the one on the other side of the bed is on.

Know that you’ve spent these days walking 10-12 miles through gorgeous scenery.

Recall fetching cardboard carriers of tea from McDonalds to my room, where I’d enjoy the milkiness and sweetness and steam from each cup. Even at 10 PM.

Days without a care in the world. Where its always warm, never cold. Nobody needs anything from me. I’m not supposed to be doing anything. I spend money without thought.

Think about the view from the 39th floor, and the storming sky pounding against the window pane. How exhilarating it was. And all the baddies on Bumble digging you. It can’t last forever. But its my “present,” right now. And its here for you to trance back into when you need it.

I’m leaving the Equus on my vision board, because i’m going to return here, and when I do, it’s going to be with my fiance.

“I still don’t know whether I should go to Hawaii,” I told dad.

“This job is very important, it’s the beginning of your career. You should make the decision that would best prepare you for the start of this job.”

I smiled. This was confirmation.

“I am going to Hawaii.”

One year ago, it was a cloudy November day and boy, could I feel the lack of serotonin. Depression encroached like an army of enemy forces, running silent and deep in the darkness for an ambush attack.

I was anxious to do or say the simplest of things.

From my table in the Atrium staring at the grey sky, I really wanted sushi. Jasmine and I had plans with grandma for dinner (at Taki), which were promptly cancelled because: “Grandma is having dinner with Wyatt,” Jasmine woke me up with.

My heart pounding, I drove up and down streets nearby the school looking for parking spots near the local sushi restaurants. I flipped through backup restaurants neurotically. Finally finding the sparse Japanese place past Center Point heading to Fairfax.

All the while deathly aware of how broke I was.

Reaching home felt like survival.

Fast forward a year to the day, and my cortisol levels are low, the sun and sky are bright, I’m going to book the Equus soon, go to LA, I’m planning a Vegas trip for my birthday, and about to start a mega well paying job.

Things change. We change.

“Yes, that’s true. As a twin flame, you have limited free will. But free will is not of use to you. Its of no use to your soul. Look at what your ego wants to do with your free will (date/have sex with other people). It wants to act like a rebellious child.”

“Can I just say, it’s so nice having a therapist in the family.”

However, it’s nice to know that once this job FORCES me to go to bed early, I’ll be FORCED into further (major) alignment.

“Bedtime at midnight tonight, no excuses.”

“I didn’t say tonight.”

“I think you did.”

“Let’s play it by ear.”

“It’s your treatment.”