I received an email today from my a asking why I haven’t enroll in c. I had good reason not to, as an attempt to escape this hellish place once and for all. But on paper, i’m sure it will sound stupid.
I began to feel guilty, knowing they (them and other a’s) will blame me for this, and imply I’m further complicating an already complicated situation.
Then I began to think: given how many things THEY have fucked up for me, all the procedure THEY lack, and the lack of coordination, transparency, and support, I absolutely cannot, not for a second, begin to accept blame. Its ALL on them. Any behavior I choose in a corner they backed me into is also on them.
I realized how much implicit guilt I’ve unknowingly carried for so long. Today, forcing myself to not accept any of it here, I felt a physical sense of weight lift off me.