The Consequences of Security

Stories of a Stoic

When the decade began, all I wanted was security. But tacitly I knew that security came at the cost of the life I had really wanted, the one I was too shy to even admit to myself. A life of academic success, strategic risks, and unprecedented accomplishments. A few years later I understood that passivity was consequential, and i’d earn myself the antithesis of these desires if I didn’t make changes.

Then I did.

And now I have a capacity for excitement where once was comfort, risk for security, and vulnerability for certainty. Even on my worst of days I get to rise to the life that i’ve always wanted, and that’s priceless.

Understanding the overwhelming control over our circumstances gives us control itself. Believing we have little control over our circumstances forfeits control. Our beliefs about our limitations manifests those limitations. And one path leads to happiness and the other leads to everything opposing happiness.

So as we welcome a new decade, i’d like to kindly remind everybody that we’re ever only a few decisions away from the lives we dream of.

May your actions be as daring as your dreams.

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Posted by dchappell

Summer Leaves, Not Ceases

Stories of a Stoic

I’d like to say something to my fellow people of summer.

To those who prefer the summer sun’s bask to a whirlwind of leafs.

Or heat to wind, watermelons to pumpkins, or an orange sun to a grey sky.

For those who’d rather don three layers of sun screen than two layers of sweaters, cold smoothies to hot chocolate, or white shorts to blue jeans.

And finally, to those who’s hearts also tremor at the sun’s slow death through autumn and into winter.

To you, I say this.

If it lives on your skin, or in your heart, if it’s intertwined with your soul, it lives.

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Posted by dchappell

A Stoic’s Guide to Loss

How to handle people willingly leaving your life

(Stories of a Stoic)

Early in Fall of 2017, I met a nursing student from a private university one city south of mine. Natalie (pseudonym) and I instantly became close and shared daily conversation, constant banter, and that special connection rarely found. I was in a hiatus from a long-term partner Alice (pseudonym), and I did enjoy my new friend as a change from my girlfriend. Whereas Alice was impersonal, Natalie was nurturing. Whereas conversations with Alice was usually centered on her, Natalie constantly centered talk on me. Every dynamic of our relationship spoke to joy of a blooming romance. Except we really never graduated beyond that stage. After my two-year relationship ceased, I didn’t wish to find myself in another one. Natalie would try to advance things whereas I tried to tame them to best preserve what we had. Various social dynamics writers emphasize how when a woman is attracted to a man, and a man doesn’t accept those advancements, the woman grows bitter towards him. As this was the case.

Natalie’s passion for health care and healing speaks to her altruism and compassion. She wasn’t, and isn’t, a bad person. But I continued to regard our relationship as it were, while things seemed to grow sour from her end. Her advancements became more obvious, and my elusiveness became more emphatic. This culminated into a series of painful conversations that robbed us of whatever vitality we had together. Subsequent conversations were forced, interactions were strained, and our relationship was a far cry from what had been. But after finding myself without as many friends around, and out of a genuine care for Natalie, I reached out to her this past day. We began talking, but after a delay in her response, I fell into a trance of prophecy. I felt I was able to see her reply before she had sent it. I felt the words in my head, I saw the message being typed and considered what my immediate reaction would be. I received that message near verbatim.

I was washing my hands in the bathroom before dinner when I read this message. Immediately, I felt a sensation of surrealness surge through my body. My feet felt frozen, and my body felt heavy. Staring in the mirror, I felt the heft of my face weigh downward. But after a few seconds (that felt like minutes), I typed that response. It wasn’t a censored, edited, nor revised version of what I wanted to say. Those were the words that my mind immediately manifested, because they reflected what I know.

The Stoic response to these kinds of losses should be how one responses to natural circumstance. Human-beings may be easily influenced. And with a basic understanding of psychology, or an advanced understanding of social dynamics, one can influence another’s decision of this kind. But one never should. Because beyond the moral consideration, we as people are shrouded in originality. And our beliefs, ideas, experiences, idiosyncrasies are analogous to a beautiful harmony playing beneath our skin. This harmony doesn’t speak to all, but those who it does speak to are commanded by it. And as long as we are “good people,” and through respect, kindness, and a basic humanity ensure that we promote the happiness and healthiness of those we interact with (or at the very least, we aren’t a detriment to them), those who care for us won’t leave. It isn’t a matter of decision, it’s a matter of nature. So when other’s do leave our lives, as long as we’re generally good people, we can understand that this does not reflect our social attractiveness nor our worth. It reflects our how they valued us. We didn’t speak to them. The harmony playing within us didn’t interact with theirs. They didn’t “hear it.” Or they did, but it wasn’t “for them.” Because what attracts them is naturally different, and that’s okay. Romantic value doesn’t predicate on a hierarchy of worth. It predicates on a hierarchy of compatibility and relative attractiveness. A key’s value isn’t worthless because it doesn’t unlock all doors. Nor is man for not meeting the desires of all potential partners.

We should accept these losses with pride because our goal should be to live the healthiest, happiest, and most honest lives as possible. And there’s an inherent dishonesty in keeping people around as friends and partners who do not value you as others do, because a tacit principle of holding people close is that they too hold us close. They see us for what we are and they value what we are. So if another person discards our relationship, thus clarifying what they see and how they feel about what they see, this serves as a natural process to cleanse our circles of those who we aren’t meant for. And thus, those not meant for us. This process enriches our circles by ensuring those in our orbit are ones who are meant to be there. Because they hear the music we play and they like it.

Posted by dchappell

A Word on Valentine’s Day…

What love is

Dear Readers, 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

And to those who are single, I’d like to say something.

Society has misconstrued romantic love and has certainly misunderstood love in general. What we believe to be romantic love is actually attachment, lust, and fear (of loss). Society preaches passion as a function of romantic love, and passion CAN be a function of love, but it functions where one demonstrates heroism, selflessness and sacrifice to benefit the life of another. It has nothing to do with touch nor sexual desire.

Love is everything. Life teeters on the spectrum of love and fear. Love is multidimensional, beyond the experience of mere emotion. Love is a hand extended to the shoulder of a distressed stranger, the smile of a child, it’s the gratitude towards something beyond ourselves when circumstance benefits us.

Anybody who has told you that you need another being to supplement your experience of love has misguided you. To live meaningfully is to celebrate love everyday.

Posted by dchappell

Grace; a Stoic’s Duty

(Stories of a Stoic)

Last week, I felt like a destroyer in the boxing gym. Tonight, I felt destined to be destroyed.

Nights like tonight capture life.

Tonight my new sofa felt warm and the gym felt cold.

The cute soccer moms were replaced by hard breathing, sweaty Latino guys.

The clumsy Russian with outlandish power seemed daring to hold mitts for last week, but nightmarish this one.

The host of awed kids who asked me how I kick so hard last week, had their airpods in tonight.

But I did tonight what I did last week anyway. I blasted the bag. Then the mitts. Then my sparring partner. Because boxing is analogous to life. Misfortune doesn’t wait until you’re ready.

It’s a matter of character, and not convenience, that you navigate the good times with the same grace as the bad.

This is the duty of a Stoic.

Posted by dchappell

A Stoic Refuge

(Stories of a Stoic)

You will have days that are unkind to you. I had one yesterday for instance. And as it dragged on, I thought about Epicurus.

Epicurus was the first philosopher that I studied deeply. His philosophy predicates on pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. So when he found himself on his death bed, while various systems of his body took turns failing, he sought peace in the memories of his friends.

I feel that we too should live our lives in a manner as to which we have catologed memories of our adventures, heroics, laughter, and moments of deep love that we can retreat to when life circumstances rough us up.

There isn’t any matter too dark for us to kindle light in.

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Posted by dchappell

A Stoic’s Addendum to a Bad Year

Dear readers,

Some years deliver great reward at little sacrifice. Problems are impersonal, pleasure is constant, and peace is persistent. For me, 2018 not one of those years.

That being said, a musician friend recently emphasized to me “the music between the notes.” The silence that can be just as loud as a guitar’s chord and just as meaningful as a piano’s melody. And I thought about how analogous this is to life. There are special moments between what we believe to be the important ones. A sympathetic hand extended to the shoulder of a distressed stranger. Moments of philanthropy. Acts of altruism. Receiving another’s compassion. These moments aren’t as glamorous as freshly kindled romances, financial advancements, new possessions, etc. But these are the true glories.

And I may have endured many rigors this year, but I enjoyed many of those glories too. And I hope that you can say the same.

Sidney Sheldon said;

“A blank page is God’s way of telling us how hard it is to be God.”

Well, a blank year carries the same responsibility and delivers the same promise. It’s an empty canvas, and you can fill with it what you wish. I only ask that you consider glory and legacy when go about doing so.

Reach for the heavens

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Posted by dchappell

We Are Fighters; Man’s Intrinsic Capacity of Resilience

If you live wholly and meaningfully, if you pursue love, success and achievement you will meet loss, failure and despair. If you don’t live, each day you will rise in complacence and retire to fear (a worse tragedy). Either path ensures anguish.

In a life that dictates you will meet adversity, be a fighter.

Be brave. Plant your feet, square your shoulders to the enemy, and fight.

The beauty for me in having this website is that I too have access to the wisdom I try to provide for my readers. But sometimes I forget that Rambling Thoughts is a resource for me as well. The awareness of this resource gets compromised amid the chaos of life, as does the wisdom I transcribe here. That was certainly the case this past July when life folded me.

Those close to me know that I excel at the behavioral sciences, social sciences, humanities, and writing. However, I struggle with the life-sciences and math. My experience with these disciplines throughout middle-school and high-school is marred by the memory of pricey tutors, constant studying and lots of grief. So, when I discovered that I had a biological processes requirement for my major that I needed to satiate to graduate, I sighed hard enough to blow a septum. Then I negotiated my disdain for the content with the reality that it’s required material before finally enrolling in BIS 101: Molecular Biology for the first summer session. Some of my fear for this class was curbed by the fact that I had just completed my best quarter ever and thoughts of doubt drowned in the praise from my family and the glory of accomplishment. However unbeknownst to me, as I wandered into the tall concrete lecture hall for the first day of instruction, I had just initiated a dog-fight.

I expounded in a previous post that with the correct strategy in tandem with discipline and patience you can manifest anything you’d like. Unfortunately, it may take years to formulate that strategy. I thought I had an effective one, however, as the course began. And I would execute it each day, studying fastidiously as the cost of a true summer. Social invitations were discarded and family events, unattended, as I remained buried in lecture videos and text-books. As per the nature of the quarter system, what would be five months of content of a semester is instead concentrated into ten weeks. Summer sessions are even less forgiving because they concentrate 10 weeks into five. So what would be a month’s worth of class on a traditional system concentrates the same material into a week of summer session. I would struggle understanding a piece of a mechanistic response in a biological process, make a note of the material and visit it later instead opting to focus on the broader models. But that piece of a mechanism will be focused on as its own mechanism the next day, and I wouldn’t understand it individually yet-alone how it interacts with other models. And because I wouldn’t understand that, I wouldn’t understand the models. These gaping holes in my understanding would grow before my eyes as the summer’s pace widened that hole. I reached out to the professor, the only one I’ve ever had who I couldn’t relate to. He’d refer me to the tutoring center, operated by faculty who conveniently took the summer off. Without understanding and without reference, I started to be without hope too.

This spectacle unfolded in Sacramento’s unforgiving heat. Each year I actively look forward to summer, but Sacramento’s is without charm. And its sun, without mercy. I would leave a science laboratory to be blasted by the 110-degree heat. The hot air acted to deconstruct me every step spend in the sun’s bask. First it would strip me of comfort, then well-being. Lastly, will-power. To validate all my labor by not failing the course, I bought two text-books and made a third. This sack of desperation weighed me down further. Initially, blocks would feel like miles, and now miles felt impossible. I traversed them regardless. But the worst thing was how aimless these miles were. I would plod from office-hours to tutoring to study-halls just to show my professor how hard I was working, but he didn’t seem to care. And these resources weren’t helpful. The needs of Bio majors (my classmates)  in a Bio course differ from the needs of a psychologist in a bio course, and in study groups I would watch complex questions be rapidly solved as classmates achieved complete understanding while I continued to wrestle with elementary principles. The only science course I had taken at my university prior to molecular biology was molecular genetics, and in that course I had a series of insatiable teaching-assistants who intrinsically cared about my success (and well-being) in addition to a compassionate professor. Every resource was helpful, every person was caring, and all parties involved acted to facilitate my success. But now I was without these people. My insatiable TA’s were gone as was my direction, and these thoughts rattled in my exhausted psyche as I trekked through Davis’ heat trying to articulate a feeling I couldn’t find the words for. “Abandonment.” The streets were as blank as my journey. There was no guidance, no direction, nobody that cared, and no hope either. Those aren’t trivialities. They’re necessities, and they’re certainly necessary to a man trying to achieve something seemingly achievable.

But the thing is, even without these things I was still able to make tremendous strides towards success. Refuged 70 miles south of Davis’ sun, I set up a desk in my backyard and would devote entire weekends to studying before an exam in addition to my efforts throughout the week. The sun would rise and set beyond my laptop and study materials. The ducks flock to the pool and leave, birds would pick seeds and take off, and water-skiers would wipe out, try again, retreat back to their boat, and all these various sights and melodies would conclude as the sky’s star would retire into the mountains. I would lay to rest each evening on a body of incredible work, but as I rose to meet the workweek I began to unravel. I became less focused on all that was behind me (extensive strategy, dedicated work, many different forms of study, etc) and refocused on what was ahead of me; a big test. In a discipline I’m not talented in. Suddenly the challenge became big and I felt small. I saw all that I didn’t understand instead of all that I did. I realized all the content I did not cover instead of what I had. I would wander aimlessly through the same heat from the professor’s office hours to the library to the TA’s office hours while I lost all sense of strategy and thus composure. I saw failure as an imminent reality rather than a possibility. It was no longer about the content or my grasp of it, but rather my relation to it. My attitude, my composure, and my strategy were what would decide success but instead they ordained failure. And I met that fate not because circumstanced destined it, but because I did. I choose to let things break me with attrition. Gradually and systematically, I became unwound until the man who was administered the test was a shell of his former self.

There are boxers called pressure-fighters. They stalk their opponents around the ring unceasingly, step for step. They apply constant pressure by whaling on their opponents without pause. The accuracy of their punches is irrelevant, as is their defense, because their aim is attrition. They pursue their counterparts to break their willpower as to where their guard drops, their breathing becomes labored their responses slow, and they desperately gasps for breath through their obtrusive mouthpieces. These opponents become victims, and they clinch, run and stall by all possible means to delay their inevitable slaying. These attempts are often unsuccessful, and they usually succumb to stoppage losses. Pressure-fighters are notorious for collecting TKO wins because they wear down their opponent beyond the possibility of defense until they’re landing flush shots in succession and the referee is forced to end the bout or the opponent’s corner throws in the towel. The rigors of my summer culminated into a dream during finals week where I was standing on the wrong side of the ring from pressure-fighter and recently-crowned WBC Welterweight Champion Shawn Porter.

The stocky frame of Porter stepped began towards me. His guards were up and evil intentions gleamed in his eyes. Nearing closer, he fired a jab to test range and establish contact. My head spasmed backwards, the blow successful enough to show me what he can do. I returned fire, contending the fate he wished to ordain me. My left arm shooting into his face like an angry brown spear and landed flush. He was unphased. His hefty left fist crashed into my skull again, then again. Knowing that he could find me, he fired a right-straight (his dominant hand) that sent my skull crashing against my brain. Hurt and scared, and my knees buckled, my body flung against the ropes from the impact, and his undying jabs chasing me into a corner. Before he could begin another onslaught, I raced towards him to shove him off. Our forearms crashed together like the shields of two gladiators, and I bought myself just time to heal enough to reassess matters.

(Porter on the left)

Pressure-fighters largely disregard defense because they don’t need it. They’re not chessmen, they’re slaughterers. So when he came forward again, my back to the turn-buckles, I found many openings to exploit. I could use my reach to keep him at bay, I could pick him off with straight-rights, or I could counter him with a left-hook the next time he lurched forward. I didn’t do any of this. I didn’t even jab him off. I stood there awaiting my fate. He landed a right-hook to my body. I shuddered left. He continued to whale me with clubbing blows, ultimately landing an uppercut pieced that my guard and flung my head backwards akin to a car-crash victim’s whiplash. His attacks persisted; firing and landing and crashing while continuing to deconstruct my body and violate my psyche. His incessant blows defeated my body. Davis’ heat and the lack of resources and aid and care and the waning hope and encroaching despair were what defeated my mind. And when I could have at the very least raised my guard, to avert SOME of his shots, to initiate SOME of my will-power and ignite SOME hope, I didn’t do that either. My arms hung on the ropes, presenting my being to Porter for him to break me more freely; and without the pesky obtrusion of my sad defense.

I stopped fighting back because I thought if I stopped persisting, the challenge would too. If I surrendered to the challenge as an admission of defeat, it too would surrender as the clear victor. Things felt so severe, so desperate that such a crude notion of mercy felt realistic and subscribing to it felt honest. But this belief was deceitful, because things didn’t stop. They got worse. The final continued nearing, the work continued to be administrated, the sun was burning just as bright, and the tutoring offices just as vacant. And Porter kept landing.

He continued landing punches that were ruining my body until my legs crumbled beneath me. My friends and family screamed in protest from ringside. The remainder of the audience glanced up from their phones half-heartedly engaged. Porter dropped to his knees, mounted my body, and began crashing his fists into my skull. The referee watched on with disinterest as the attack became gory.

I was broken in my dreams and in reality too. And amid it all, I forgot a convenient truth. I am a fighter. We all have a spark within that disallows us to be overtaken by circumstance; a resilience that endows us the ability to withstand the harshest realities. And I’ve evolved mine from a spark to sometimes a subtle flame and other times a roaring fire. But regardless of its intensity, it’s always there. As a boxer, a philosopher, a psychologist and a theist. My pugilism has conditioned me to withstand the most unbearable affliction, my philosophy disallows me to accept my immediate thoughts about both life and reality as truth, and the psychologist within doesn’t let any pain to go unexamined nor last longer than it needs to. But I betrayed all these identities and that’s where half my angst came from. It was a foreign thing to do and I’m bewildered that I did it. But what bewilders me further is how natural the misfortune felt. I ultimately received perspective on this from legendary boxing trainer Teddy Atlas. In a 2015 match, he coached his fighter, former multi-welterweight champion Timothy Bradley, through a title-defense against the rugged Brandon Rios.

With Bradley in the corner between the 8th and 9th rounds, Atlas leans in to address the weaving focus of an adulated warrior capable of so more than what he’s showing.

 “Listen, your concentration is weaving a little.

Pick it up. Pick it up!

 The fire is coming, are you ready for the fire?

We are firemen, WE ARE FIREMEN!

The heat doesn’t bother us!

We live in the heat, we train in the heat!

It tells us that we’re ready, we’re at home.

 We’re where we’re supposed to be.

 Flames don’t intimidate us!

What do we do?

 We control the flames.

We control them!

We control them when we want to, then we extinguish them!”

If that reads zany to you, know that after that speech Timothy Bradley boxed the best four rounds of his life deconstructing, dissecting and dismantling the overwhelmed Brandon Rios. To live meaningfully is to love, to hope and to aspire. And if you live meaningfully you will spend time in the fire. But when you feel the flames intensify, that’s when you too, like Bradley, know that you are where you’re supposed to be. Those flames will become a second home to you, one capable of breeding further resilience, adulation and glory. The fire isn’t meant to tell you to stop fighting, its means you need to keep fighting further. Faster. Stronger. More strategically. And if you do this and circumstance still swallows you, know that this inner-flame kindled within is man’s intrinsic capacity of resilience and success. To fully experience what it means to be human, this capacity must be exercised regardless of outward results. Failure is not ordained. Your destiny is not decided. This is how you write it yourself, and even if you are ultimately broken things will not be as bad being broken while fighting than if you are to bow in passivity.

“Any man who goes into a cave with only one opening deserve to die.”- Frank Herbert

Regardless of to what degree, we are fighters. And regardless of how many times we are broken, this same capacity will carry us through the most grizzled times and guide us to life’s riches. Keep fighting.

Posted by dchappell

Failure Examined

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.” Samuel Beckett

This quote has remained with me for years. I was reconsidering it’s implications yesterday in relation to romantic relationships. By describing anything as a failure, Beckett asserts a reality where reward/achievement predicates on a dichotomy. Win, loss. Good, bad. Victory, defeat. These dichotomies have their place (writes the Moralist), but they get applied too frequently (and thus inaccurately) throughout day to day life.

The dichotomy makes sense for learning new skills, conditioning abilities, and attempting new experiences. It’s easily (and accurately) applied to sporting events, but not completely nor as wholly as one would expect. In a boxing contest where an underdog displays unbelievably grit, adaptability, resilience, and strategy but ultimately shies of the win, is he a failure? If this contender secured a future in the sport at a championship level through a 36 minute opportunity before the world, but was bested on points did he truly lose? On paper he did. But he had also won so much; respect, adulation, confidence, and experience. He GAINED things, he LOST nothing. So if failure cannot exist dichotomously for a naturally dichotomous medium, where else does it fail?

I began reconsidering this quote yesterday in relation to the phrase “failed relationships” (romantic endeavors). People generally regard any relationship that sees a break-up or separation as a failed relationship. So if a failed relationship is one that meets its end, antithetically a successful relationship is one that does not end. We can dicotomize/quantify success and failure as being polar opposites because the only time we generally use the phrase of a failed relationship is when it ends. We don’t use the term to address abusive relations, unhappy partners nor mismatched people. This removes a grey area so we can posture the terms as wholly opposing one another.

We need to either deconstruct failure as a binary concept or narrow it entirely to the most basic of goal-based tasks (more narrowed that sporting competitions even) because failure postures all experiences as goal-based excluding any outcome as being positive other than the one we desire. This is a problem because it implies two false sentiments. Firstly, it implies that we know what’s best for us. Our desires are seldom examined, and even when one does examine them its hard to conclude that any one thing would wholly benefit your life. The best career position one is being considered for comes at the cost of added stress, more responsibilities, and more hours at the office. The supermodel-esque girl at the gym eyeing the lonely young adult causes that young adult to believe that consummating a relationship with her would positively benefit his life, unaware of the insecurities she would inspire, her immature tenancies she’ll navigate the relationship with, and her loose values. Similarly, I soldiered through two junior colleges on a warpath to earn admission to UC Berkeley, one of the most prestigious (and most conveniently located) universities in the world. In my pursuit, I disregarded the school’s staunch political stance, arrogant students, protests, riots, and the prevalence of violence and sexual assault. What could have been SO great about the school’s experience that it bestrides political intolerance, egoism, fiery rebellion, assault and rape? What exists within those halls to trump five facets of the experience all conducive to a poor academic experience? I couldn’t tell you, and that community-college student working fastidiously while claiming “It’s Berkeley or nothing” certainly couldn’t answer this question either.

Sociology has a concept called “symbolic interactionism,” which is the view of social behavior that emphasizes linguistic or gestural communication and its subjective understanding, especially the role of language in the formation of the child as a social being. The biggest mistake the social and behavioral sciences make is not applying this concept outside of sociology too. We as people evaluate others based off symbols. “What do you do?” begs an occupation that acts as a symbol correlating to an income, presitigousness, and required education that we relate with it. Asking a person about their occupation gives them symbols to understand them with. Luxury watches and car brands predicates on symbolic interactionism too. A mere symbol can communicate to others their income, and thus societal standing.

The executive who’s promotion continues to teeter on uncertainty desires a symbol (the prestigiousness of a higher position.) The lonely adult eyeing the attractive gym-goer desires a symbol (attractiveness via proxy). I wanted a symbol through admission to UC Berkeley (a symbol of intellect and academic excellence). We as a society interact with SYMBOLS. We do this firstly because we aren’t trained to understand people, things, or places abstractly and even those who find themselves able to do this will also find the task laborious if not insulated by congruent philosophies. Our relationship to symbols becomes most apparent through our desires. These symbols are seldom questioned and again, if we truly explore them we would conclude that we cannot claim any one thing would completely benefit our lives. Thus we do not know what’s best for us. My studies in theology, philosophy, and own religious convictions lead me to belief that we are on this planet to love, learn, and grow. The experiences we need to best do this drastically depart from what we think we need for us. What we actually need interacts with our psyche and our soul. What we desire (largely) satiates our ego.

The second implication of failure is that we need the entire experience of something to benefit from it. This is where we can retire Samuel Beckett’s rendition of failure completely. Maybe the executive who ultimately gets denied the prestigious promotion needed the experience of admitting to himself and the world that he desires this position. He feels he deserves it. But he also admits to those close to him his insecurities about how he will perform with the new skills, qualms over how qualified he actually is, and his anxiety that they will chose someone else. The experience of being a candidate alone requited/caused/catalyzed emotional honesty with himself, his loved ones, and the world around him. Others spent lifetimes unable to achieve this. Maybe THAT was the experience he needed.

I met a model-esque volley-ball player my freshman year of high-school and became infatuated with her immediately. I chased her throughout high-school as I endured the highs and lows of us becoming friends, her getting a boyfriend, me meeting other girls, circumstance forcing the boyfriend and I together for academic purposes, etc. I met excitement, failure, loss, and despair throughout those four years. At the road, we ended up at my house for prom photos and as my date proved to be a bad one, she wanted to step in. In front of all my friends and family, the girl I had desired for years wanted to be my offical date. We had our photos taken together in my backyard by the bay, she befriended my sister, and we spent most of the evening together. That day I actualized a theological virtue that I spent my first 18 years of life living without. Hope. That day, I learned hope. I never got to culminate a relationship with her, and truth be told I wouldn’t have wanted to. The closer we got, the emptier I realized her to be. She’s a sweet girl but deep thinking is not her forte.

I DIDN’T NEED THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE TO LEARN WHAT I NEEDED TO.

I needed part of the experience. And the person the experience was predicated on was irrelevant. Absolutely no disrespect intended to her, but any pretty face could have substituted the role. The girl didn’t matter. The lesson did. And that lesson instilled a virtue in me that evolved me as a theologian, theist, and human-being. A light switched on that day, and I interact more richly with myself, my world, and God because of it. Where was the failure in that?

Why call anything failure? Why not be grateful that you could do so much? We should realize that the experience predicates on the destination and not the journey, because even with the intellectual investigation of a philosopher or psychologist, we will still never fully understand the motivation for any one desire or goal. Nor can we conclude what’s best for us. But we can solider towards the desires we deem most noble, honest, and meaningful through strategy, patience, and discipline. The journey will investigate man and his limits. The destination will deliver lessons from nature and the divine.

Posted by dchappell

“In the beginning, God created the earth, and he looked upon it in His cosmic loneliness. And God said,

“Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what We have done.”

And God created every living creature that now moveth, and one was man. Mud as man alone could speak. God leaned close to mud as man sat up, looked around, and spoke. Man blinked.

“What is the purpose of all this?” he asked politely.

“Everything must have a purpose?” asked God.

“Certainly,” said man.

“Then I leave it to you to think of one for all this,” said God.

And He went away.”

Posted by dchappell