― Jess Rothenberg, The Catastrophic History of You and Me
Today as I drove past Sausalito and toward Tiburon on my way back from USF, I glanced at Mt. Tam. And I knew Lex, Tyson, and I, were on that exact time one year ago.
We may as well as scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro. It was our Mt. Kilimanjaro. And I could see up there, into the past as if it were running simultaneously to the present.
The three of us were on the highest peak in the North Bay. They had just jumped out of an airplane. Lex was conquering his fear of heights, yet again, on the steep rock inclines and dirt paths and rickety wood bridges to the top.
Marketa messaged into the chat with Jackie and I about getting fired today from Center Point. None of that mattered from the top of our world.
I was impatient with them as they smoked their blunts.
We were soused in accomplishment, comradery, and an experience that could never possibly happen again.
Today in traffic, I saw the three of us on top of Mt. Tam. And we were happy.
“This is bringing back so many memories of playing this game with Kunal,” I said in pain, as the thumbnails of each map appeared.
“Duuuudeee. I miss that kid.” He went on to tell me how he just bought the new “Age of Mythology” game, and wanted to message Kunal to play it with him, but realized he couldn’t.
“He’s part of the reason I am taking this job. I think he would tell me to.”
“Really?” Max asked.
“Yeah. 85K? He’d tell me to take the job!”
Think about what Dante would do for 85K a year.
Imagine his dual shift Papa Johns/Pizza Hut days.
Imagine yourself as being an inspiration to Lex and Daren.
― Chris Matakas
I love you, but you’re not here and you clearly don’t want to be a part of my life right now. I have grown and evolved so much.
I have a much healthier bedtime now. I meditate every morning and afternoon (as of two days ago), making my mind so much more still and my thoughts more positive and confident.
I’m being wooed by many different clinics.
The quality of writing has been terrific.
I have a new friend in Sheila.
I’m showing up to my life more and more. I’m here for me.
The calmness of my mind has revealed to me how weak, obsessive, and anxious my thoughts about you are. I acknowledge that we will always have a deep connection, and my thoughts may, at times, naturally gravitate to you. But what I’m realizing is that where I was wrong before: Just because there’s that natural gravitation, doesn’t mean I must plan or hope or expect for you to return. Nor do I have to think about you so much. There’s tremendous room for me to machete through all these obsessive, painful, desperate thoughts. And I plan to.
By mindfully meditating twice a day (the CALM meditation on YouTube), redirecting thoughts from you, and planning for ANY happy and loving marriage in my life. Regardless of whether it’s with you or somebody else.
I’m taking my power back.
I will not be feeding you as much focus and anxiety through the collective unconscious. I hope this benefits us both.
I have a life to live. And its very exciting right now.
Take care A. K. M.
Respectfully,
Daniel
And I’m not going to let any of these temporary stresses rob the attention from such an incredible accomplishment.
One day, I will live in an organized, clutter free home…
I will have a little blue sport’s car that’s always waxed, sitting on fat, wide, grippy tires, and the engine lubricated with Royal Purple.
Money flows into my wallet and accounts like water.
I have a fortune in my bank, actually.
Margerie goes: “Wow, Daniel… I’m impressed.”
I get paid a ton to write cute little short stories. I have multiple books out. They’re all smash hits.
I’m well known in my world.
But today will not be that day. And I’ll keep working and grinding and even sometimes slaving, to reach “one day…”
This is the NECESSARY kind of change.
This is where you prove all those losers— A, M, J,—- that you ALWAYS intended to get a job, and its an important and high paying one.
This new life would nearly IMMEDIATELY upgrade you from a Mitsubishi Lancer and a quartz Seiko to a Hyundai Veloster N and a Tudor BB 58.
You can cram so much fun into your week. Massages, eating out, the boxing gym, a c partner, etc.
And eventually, she will waltz back in.
Two nights ago, I got in at 1:59 AM! Last night, 1:50 AM!
I’m growing, I’m healing, and the reality I want is coming!
I never thought I could disconnect from my relation to that /. But I did. I can feel a mental line, a meaningful, reinforced, “natural” sort of mental divider, which I don’t want to cross. But the most important thing is that I just don’t like what’s on the other side nearly as much. My mind feels so much more pure. All that dark shit, that I feel bad , it just isn’t there. My relation to / feels like its becoming a lot healthier.