It hit me on the R bridge this morning on my way to the WC.

Not just for B, but D and especially A.

It isn’t about what they’ve each done, respectively. It’s about my feelings towards them, justified or not, snowballing into something so much larger than them and taking on its own life.

And what its snowballed into attracts more of the same. It brings in evil. It messes up special and important things.

It brings humbling.

It delays the future I want.

“As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; They kill us for their sport.”

“Honorary cousin,” Yeah fucking right…

Lessons learned from a mentally ill man, in a prolonged manic episode, with multiple addictions, beating the P4P King with 4 knockdowns….

Nothing is set in stone.

I absolutely will become a millionaire off of my book.

My life will become a party.

Tons of champions will be on the cover of my book.

I’ll have a huge gorgeous house.

I’m going to get my Hyundai Veloster N… with fat racing tires.

I’m going to be such a successful writer, that me going off to write for the day is encouraged by everyone in my life.

There are so many more.

I felt like I was moved via sling shot from this festering highly karmic swap of dysfunctional dynamics and ugly personalities and oppressive environments, through the sky, through every later of the atmosphere into a boxing ring in the thermosphere.

Kell is across from me and we’re surrounded by the deep rich heavenly blue of a negotiated liaison between earth and space.

“You ain’t want it, boi!”

I smile.

And we charge at each other.

I fight for peace. I fight in hopes that one day I won’t have to, that a paradise on earth awaits me, and that’s its as beautiful (and more) than the nicest days of my life so far.

The same universe that gave me the problem punishes me for having it.