It’s really exciting to have met a boxer who’s going into a fight, and to have skin in the game. A stake in the outcome.

“Getting frustrated and riled up at nighttime isn’t going to help you fall asleep, its going to hurt.”

“1 or 2 AM is not an appropriate time to think about dress shoes or leaving another post-it note.”

“Daniel, that’s a lot of caffeine.”

And I have so much more money coming. I usually come here to vent, but not today. I am just so grateful. I am utterly thankful to the divine, my angel guides, God, and the universe.

Truly.

Thank you.

Never take for granted being able to fill up your gas tank on your own, buying new top-of-the-line Asics as soon as your pair wears, being able to eat out when you want, planned vacations, etc.

Never forget the awful cringe feeling of asking grandma for gas money or a $200 check.

Sometimes I feel like a stranger to my own life.

“Betrayed and wronged in everything,
I’ll flee this bitter world where vice is king,
And seek some spot unpeopled and apart
Where I’ll be free to have an honest heart.”
― Molière, The Misanthrope

“Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.”
― Charlotte Brontë , Villette

“What hurts so bad about youth isn’t the actual butt whippings the world delivers. It’s the stupid hopes playacting like certainties.”- Mary Karr

“I saw everything in the world build up and then everything in the world fall down again.”
― Marina Keegan

There is so much light and love in my book and my intentions that it’s Kell and his dad who made the mistake, not me. And I really, truly feel this.

What the fuck do I do with all this fandom? With all this support? All these dreamy notions of meeting him, befriending him, facing him… him and Phil meeting at my wedding. And for what? For fucking what? For rejection? For embarrassment?

The rational mind kicks in: “Just because you are his fan doesn’t mean he has to…”

Blah, blah, blah. Shut the fuck up.

Ouch. It hit like a break up.

“If I could get a call back from Kell Brook’s manager versus “her,” I would choose the manager. That’s what I had been saying.

What I want to remember from this day….

I want to remember the “hookie” feeling of going boating then to the movies on a weekday afternoon with my dad and uncle.

And the mindful, conscious, laughter when he and my dad were talking about “dinging” you know who.

Ordering Nick the Greek on the ride to the movies.

“No tomatoes on the chicken gyro.”

“I’ll take your tomatoes,” my uncle said.

“Add my tomatoes to veggie gyro,” I said.

And he either did finger guns or snapped his fingers or said: “That’s right…” something like that.