The same universe that gave me the problem punishes me for having it.

“We are the gods of the atoms that make up ourselves but we are also the atoms of the gods that make up the universe.”

• I cannot live with hate in my heart. Not anymore. The thing I hate them for is not worth hate. It’s not worth me being brought down that low and experiencing “that.”
• Self-love can’t be a causality of many responsibilities. I can’t be “okay” not getting sleep.
• The people I see the negative in, also have love inside them too.
• Its the end of the road for my sleep behavior. The universe will no longer accept it from me.
• I have heaven awaiting me if I heal my sleep disorder, hell awaiting me if I don’t.

I can’t believe how unimaginative and downright lazy these p*******ers are

blinded, red faced, severed head warrior

I’m moving on. I’ve been told by priestesses and the equivalent of prophets and sages that if I’m to evolve into my best self, you’ll return into my life mirroring my best self as your best self.

I see no proof of that.

I still believe it, but from where I am, it just feels like it doesn’t matter.

I see no inkling of your presence in my life.

No contact at all.

I have a life to live.

I am moving on.

I want a girlfriend and I’m ready for one.

What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously.”

― Haruki Murakami

If you ever read this, I’m sorry.

I wish that I got to enjoy grad school. That is all. I think there should be an element of joy to learning, and unfortunately, due to what happened and how poorly it was handled, that joy was taken. Things are so dysfunctional, so outlandish, that right now I may be a graduated student or I may not be. Schrodinger’s Diploma.

There was a tremendous amount of joy during my time at UC Davis. The memories are lined in gold. Here… not so much.

For 70K, I wish I got to enjoy this.