4:24 PM 

Wednesday 

November 19th, 2025 

I want you to enjoy it all; every creamy bite of cream cheese, the saltiness from the soy sauce, the soft texture of the raw salmon. 

The sweetness and tang of the fried chicken on top of the brown rice mixed with salad dressing and lemon sauce. 

Enjoy mindfulness in the restaurant. And the mindful focus of the chatter. I like the moment where it produces this wordless sort of meaning. 

You deserve it. I am sitting here on the 3rd floor in the desk in the corner, dead tired, in a darkening weather with no special dinner tonight to look forward to, but a phone call with A instead. 

Enjoy the full belly. The stick shift drive home. Peering in Jack in the Box. Laying down. The meditation followed by movies and TV. 

Enjoy all of it. 

Here’s why her positive affect probably comes off as so fake. I think it was really shown around time last year, when you asked for a session (or possibly two sessions) during the week of the 4 year anniversary of your friend’s death and she snapped at you. She told you she’s not going to be speaking with you during her vacation and more, blah, blah, blah, in a really stern and forceful tone. I just stared at her, somewhat stunned, definitely hurt.

Then she became super positive inquiring about X, Y, and Z.

I struggled to say anything. It became quiet.

She continued to wear her huge beaming grin.

It goes without saying that she could not have gone from frustration to positivity within a thirty second span.

Yet her grin was beaming.

Fake.

No sincerity, no authenticity.

Plasticky, ignorant Western, run-of-the-mill, LMFT.

When its Fall or Winter and in the AM. There isn’t a hint of sun shone from the windows. It’s “anemic blue,” as you describe it.

I’d love to wake up this early on 8 hours of sleep and just watch the scene from the bedroom window.

The perforated leather ball in my grip, the tension between the clutch pedal and the accelerator in my left and right feet, getting off the line in peppy spirit effortlessly quicker than the Tesla beside me, I looked forward to it all and enjoyed it all. I finally “got it.” How people demand manual variants of automatic cars. Why people are so passionate about it. I have really enjoyed the car before, most of the time, and in some specific instances. But yesterday I started to ovwrhwlemingly objectively experience how special it is.

Add in looking forward ro driving it, etc

It’s so sleek.

… to sit across from her and be able to tell myself: “There is no separation between her and I.”

And feel it.