“Why are we worn out? Why do we, who start out so passionate, brave, noble, believing, become totally bankrupt by the age of thirty or thirty-five? Why is it that one is extinguished by consumption, another puts a bullet in his head, a third seeks oblivion in vodka, cards, a fourth, in order to stifle fear and anguish, cynically tramples underfoot the portrait of his pure, beautiful youth? Why is it that, once fallen, we do not try to rise, and, having lost one thing, we do not seek another? Why?”

Anton Chekhov

It implies there’s an “I,” there’s a: “you,” and that “I” am experiencing this emotion for “you.”

It sounds so “high school,” so emotional, weak. Its unconscious.

It actually happened a little later than 12:30 though.

Racing a manual sports car up to Santa Rosa before work on a Friday morning, then racing back down to work in a hybrid Sonata was a bad ass thing done by a bad ass man 😉

Stick shifting, gas burning, progress note typing, ambitious glory.

See you on the other side.

As I write this, I think I may understand more of the true meaning. The ego is saying: “Do this healing,” “Do that healing.”

But what she had pointed out, what she said to me, was this: “Who said you have to do anything? The healing just happens.”