I have found myself mumbling this during moments throughout my workday when I am very much feeling the 9-5.

What I want you to take away from it is that you will be a king.

In an alternate universe, you woke up on eight hours of sleep the morning after Christmas, exercised your abs, chest, showered, put on your “bird shirt” (in this alternate universe, you did receive it) made a delicious breakfast, and headed to the Sausalito Starbucks to pen the finale one of your three short stories which is getting eaten up by a publishing house for top dollar.

A delicious dinner, two hours of movies and tv in bed, an hour of meditating on the sofa (you also tranced back to Hawaii in your meditation), a long walk, shower, and an early bedtime.

One day you’ll have it all.

Do not forgot how this is the “next level” adventure, where because you have cash flow and a high paying job now, you can meet ALL YOUR CLOSEST OF FRIENDS in LAS VEGAS for your birthday week!

You are sad your 20s are coming to an end without realizing trips like this show that means nothing

Rebecca H is such a great doctor.

“I work in community mental health, so I think I got this cold there.”

“Oh! Where?”

“Johnathan’s Plzce!”

“Oh, Okay!” She said, being familiar with it.

I liked getting out of the appointment during closing, its dark out, the lights are off, and the Christmas music was playing.

I had a feeling my work days would be very diverse despite spending them, well, “working,” and that has proven to be true.

Immediately, I knew I had found a new home.

I feel the resentment, pain, and loss of a 9-5. But it helps me to think:

“This ISN’T my life. What I do in my word docs, the book, the car, the condo, whatever is about to come romantically, THAT is what my life is about. This is just pouring concrete and laying steel.”

My therapist’s smile, her absolutely beaming affect, as she saw me in my suit in an office at my job.

“Sleep has actually been going really well.”

“Oooooooh!” A face-splitting grin. “I want to hear more!”

What a blessing she is as a therapist.

I may also get the chance to do my notes remotely and may be here once every weekday. Who the f knows??

I’m not going to mourn it, just commemorate it. If it is the end, it’s time to move on. If this place to be a part of work and my every week, that’s great too.

Know that you wrote this (and are writing it) from your bamboo table against the window in your hotel room at the Equus.

The bedside lamp right behind me is off, the one on the other side of the bed is on.

Know that you’ve spent these days walking 10-12 miles through gorgeous scenery.

Recall fetching cardboard carriers of tea from McDonalds to my room, where I’d enjoy the milkiness and sweetness and steam from each cup. Even at 10 PM.

Days without a care in the world. Where its always warm, never cold. Nobody needs anything from me. I’m not supposed to be doing anything. I spend money without thought.

Think about the view from the 39th floor, and the storming sky pounding against the window pane. How exhilarating it was. And all the baddies on Bumble digging you. It can’t last forever. But its my “present,” right now. And its here for you to trance back into when you need it.

I’m leaving the Equus on my vision board, because i’m going to return here, and when I do, it’s going to be with my fiance.